Reality Tea-V #8957038

By Chloe Wright

The “epic” season 8 finale of The Masked Singer is two hours. Two. Hours. TWO HOURS. Why? WHY? 

I could be studying for my exams. I could be writing my story for Artist Guild auditions. I could be watching the World Cup (yay, Brazil and France)! 

Yet, I sit. In my desolate living room. No lights. No music. Just angry. Welcome to Reality Tea-V. 

The Tea

Here’s the thing about this month’s tea. I have my first episode of the live show with fellow senior Sydney Carroll on the front page. It was a very fun video to film. I laugh a lot. Please watch!

When I say all that, I mean to mention that I convinced Sydney to drink tea with me. Cinnamon Apple Spice, to be exact. But that doesn’t mean I would deprive any of y’all of more tea recommendations! This month’s additional tea is Lemon Lift from Bigelow. It has caffeine and may need a sugar cube, but it helped push me through the day (despite the fact I drank it from my thermos, promptly burnt my tongue, and felt pain for at least 6 hours). I give it a 7/10 if you like lemon and caffeine.

The Reality TV

Our two fighters are the Harp and the Lamb Trio. This is the first time in The Masked Singer history, I believe, that our finalists are both female. I love women’s representation and all, but I don’t think I needed this. Also, there’s a clue that the Harp is NOT Fantasia. So, take from that what you will.

The first hour is recapping the season, so I will fast-forward through that. But there is a scene where the celebrities suit up in their costumes and talk about how difficult it was to see their peers out of them. It made me think of that one quote: “If you complain about wearing a mask because you think it’s difficult, then you’re openly admitting furries are stronger than you.”

We start off with the Harp giving a great performance of Lady Gaga’s “The Edge of Glory.” Guesses include Jennifer Hudson, Jill Scott, Yvette Nicole Brown, and Amber Riley. Everyone I’ve talked to says it’s Amber Riley. She better win. The Lambs are mid at best. They seem like nice ladies, but the Harp is neater.

Next are the Lambs. They belt out “I’m Every Woman” by Chaka Khan, not the Whitney Houston cover. They aren’t bad. They just kind of sound like the Sunday School CDs I listened to as a kid. It sounds unrefined … Okay, that’s really mean. I like them, though! Guesses include Wilson Phillips. Honestly, I don’t know. Anyway, I’m distracted because I just saw an ad for an AirBnB that looked like a potato.

Oh, they’re singing again? Now it’s “I Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner. I know it from Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. Then the judges say how much they love the lambs. 

And now the Harp is singing? She sings “Gravity” from my least favorite musician, John Mayer, but she makes it good. This is uncalled for! She makes me like an artist I originally didn’t like!

Okay, now the Queen is gonna be crowned. And it is … THANK GOODNESS, it’s the Harp. 

Which means the Lambs are getting unmasked. And they are … Wilson Phillips! I’m not going to say “who,” but … I may need to look them up. I respect them.

Aaaaand Amber Riley was the Harp! Woo! Yay! Okay, this will be my last post of the year. I will be back next semester with vengeance! Perhaps I might write about something other than TMS. Let’s hope Nick Cannon’s spirit is that merciful to me.