By Chloe Wright

I just got back from screaming at my piano, and I gotta do an article on The Masked Singer? I guess I’ll crack my knuckles and get to it. It’s less than one hundred days until graduation. I’m safe. I’m fine. We meet again, Jenny LastName. McCarthy? Is that her last name? 

The Tea

I need to be calmed. I have a research paper due tomorrow, and my brain is currently hosting a rubber ball that bounces off the walls every time I try to do something productive. What should I do? Drink Tension Tamer tea from Celestial, of course! I got it since the box has a dragon design and “excellent” B vitamins! The smell throws me off; I really do not like ginger tea. Pickled ginger is more than fine, but my taste buds really don’t like the flavor of it in tea. However, the tea tastes great! There is only a hint of ginger, but the eleuthero, an ancient herb (how fancy!), takes over in a very satisfying way. It’s a good entry point for anyone who wants to make their foray into tea. 7/10. Also, dragons!

The TV

So Jenny’s last name is McCarthy, but I honestly forgot. Anyway, new season! Season 9! Woah! It would’ve been more poetic if it was season 10, but math exists. I mean, Riverdale apparently ends when I graduate, and I used to watch it in middle school. Gee whiz. 

Anyway, it’s ABBA night! Jenny has a nice outfit (it’s a pink, ruffled tank top with pants). Seems expensive. Guess she didn’t have any really bad student loans from the University of Google. 

Medusa is up first. Last episode she sang “Happier Than Ever” by Billie Eilish, and this episode she belts “Dancing Queen.” If she sang the parody version from Gravity Falls, I would’ve laughed. But there’s nothing to laugh about her performance. She has talent and sounds familiar… Think a raspier Willow Smith. LOOK! Nick Viall is here, coming in to share a clue! And his caption says “appeared on more episodes of The Bachelor than lyrics in this show.” I think. I don’t wanna rewind. They need to stop guessing Lorde, though.

Next is the Night Owl (pictured in the Reality Tea-V logo). Look at that suit. Look at that strut. Dare I say, it’s a slay. She sings “Fernando” and sounds like Michelle Branch… Wait, I look away for one second, and Napoleon pops on stage? Huh? 

Next is the Rock Lobster! He seems like a funky guy. Wow, and his voice is… a voice. It’d be a stretch to say he sings “S.O.S.” He actually screams. I can also hear autotune. Classy. Also, Shangela from RuPaul’s Drag Race shows up. Cool! 

Okay, results are in. I guess the hot pot of TMS was too much for the Rock Lobster to stay. And… HOWIE MANDEL IS THE ROCK LOBSTER? THAT ABSOLUTE MISCREANT. HE IS SO MEAN ON AGT. But, finally, there’s an actor I know on this show other than Dick Van Dyke. Yeah, 97-year-old Dick Van Dyke was on this show. 

Night Owl and Medusa battle each other by singing “The Winner Takes It All.” I still associate it with Meryl Streep. Aaand Medusa beats Night Owl out. My lamp just turned on randomly. Freaky.

And the Night Owl is… Debbie Gibson! She was Sandy in Grease and apparently did a lot of other stuff. Nice to see.

Anyway, I’m sleepy and need to finish my annotations. Drink water, and have a nice day.