Is Love Real?

Tanvi Chaudhary

The Notebook Everett. Time, 25 June 2014, time.com/2919712/the-notebook-10th-anniversary/. Accessed 21 Feb. 2024.

Is love real, or is it merely a construct promoted by society and romanticized in movies and literature? This age-old question has perplexed philosophers, poets, and scientists alike. While some argue that love is just a fleeting emotion, others contend that it is a profound and enduring phenomenon. 

According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce. Even for exciting new and young relationships, a daunting statistic looms, as approximately 70% of couples break up within the first year of dating.

Amidst these sobering statistics, it’s understandable why some may question the existence of love. The prevalence of divorce and the dissolution of romantic partnerships can foster skepticism, leading individuals to doubt the authenticity and durability of love. After all, if so many relationships ultimately end in separation, what does that say about the nature of love itself?

Furthermore, societal narratives surrounding love often contribute to misconceptions and unrealistic expectations. Romanticized portrayals in popular media, such as movies and television shows, often present an idealized version of love that bears little resemblance to reality. The notion of love at first sight, grand romantic gestures, and happily-ever-afters perpetuate the myth that love is effortless and devoid of challenges.

However, there is room for optimism. While love may not always resemble the fairy-tale romances depicted in popular media, there is ample evidence to suggest that it is indeed a real and profound experience for many individuals.

Several studies have utilized brain imaging to examine the neural activity of individuals in romantic relationships. For instance, a 2005 study conducted by researchers at Harvard Medical School analyzed 2,500 functional MRI (fMRI) brain scans of college students who viewed images of their romantic partners compared to acquaintances. The scans revealed increased brain activity in regions associated with dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, when participants looked at photos of their romantic partners. Additionally, heightened activity was observed in brain regions linked to pleasure, reward processing, and social behavior. Similarly, studies on long-term couples have shown that viewing photos of each other activates brain regions involved in attachment, indicating the tangible impact of love on the brain. These findings underscore the biological underpinnings of love and suggest that it is a complex interplay of both biological and psychological processes.

According to Harry Reis, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, many studies have shown that people who are in relationships, on average, are happier than people who are not in relationships. On average, people who are not in relationships over the course of their life span, are unhappier in many different respects than people who are in relationships. Those who are single have been shown to earn less money, attain fewer college degrees, and have worse health outcomes.

In a study called the American Time Use Survey, data consistently showed that married people have higher levels of well-being on average than unmarried people. Furthermore, men benefit more from marriage than women do. They start engaging in healthier behaviors such as working out more, drinking less, and smoking less. The research shows that men tend to be happier if they’re in a relationship, regardless of the quality of that relationship. However, for women, the quality of a relationship itself is more important. Either way, it is clear that people are happier in a relationship than without one. So how can we explain the high divorce and breakup rates and constant skepticism? 

Contrary to the idealized portrayals in romantic comedies, real-life relationships are often characterized by challenges and conflicts. Maintaining a successful partnership requires communication, compromise, and perseverance. Love is not merely a fleeting emotion but rather a choice—a conscious decision to prioritize the well-being and happiness of another person. 

Research suggests that reciprocal communication skills play a key role in healthy, long-term relationships. Love thrives when partners and friends feel heard and seen by their loved ones, fostering an atmosphere of understanding and connection. To cultivate this feeling of responsiveness, both individuals in a relationship must be open to listening and revealing aspects of themselves, a process that demands time and courage.

However, allowing someone to truly know you—and taking the time to understand them in return—can lead to the creation of a lasting, affectionate, and accepting kind of love. It’s through this mutual exchange of thoughts, feelings, and experiences that bonds deepen and relationships flourish.

Moreover, a review of scientific literature from March 2009 highlights that while the initial excitement of early infatuation may fade over time, feelings of romantic love, sexual attraction, and emotional commitment tend to endure in the long term. As relationships mature, the obsessive elements may diminish, but the foundation of love remains steadfast.

While the thrill of newfound romance may evolve into a sense of comfort and stability, it doesn’t diminish the depth of feelings shared between partners. Rather, it signifies a transition into a more grounded and secure phase of love, where both individuals feel valued, understood, and cherished.

If you expect every day with a loved one to be a fairy tale, you’ll be disappointed. Through every trial, every hardship, and every disagreement, you need to support and cherish your partner, and they need to do the same for you. Love is real if you make it real, and it’s worth the effort.