Exam Secrets Your Teachers Don’t Want You To Know

By Parker Compton

Exam season has finally arrived. If you are feeling stressed or anxious about this time of year, fear not: this guide of dos and don’ts from the teachers will guarantee that you leave the Academy with nothing short of all 100s.

Forge your path.

Do not answer the questions on your exams. You are a leader, not a follower; you are an innovator, not a conformist. Write your own exam. Take inspiration from the exam in front of you. This is what your teachers are really looking for. 

Make your mark.

Nothing is more disappointing for teachers than receiving their exams in the same state as when they pass them out—state of matter, that is. Before you on exam day are pages and pages and pages and pages for you to use purely to create art. Bring art supplies, learn origami, and focus on your vision—you’ll want to use every minute to perfect your masterpiece. Creativity and boldness equals points, and turning the exam into a liquid, gas, or plasma may help you secure an extremely high grade.

Tell your story.

As you look through all of the problems on your exam, document how each makes you feel. Maybe problem sixteen makes you feel relaxed, problem eighty nine makes you feel distressed, and problem two hundred and fifty seven makes you feel hungry for a BLT. These feelings are your ammunition on the battlefield that are exams—write them well, and boom, now your teachers must vicariously endure the emotional whirlwind you are living through.

Give thanks.

Many people say the real exam begins after you leave the room, and they are right. The first song you play afterward, how many steps it takes you to walk down the hallway (I hear there are bonus points for people who take 19), the first four words you say exactly forty billion milliseconds later—it all factors into your grade. However, the most important thing you can do is send gifts to your teacher. Not just cards or sweet treats, but cars, a functional portal to the 17th century, and maybe even a cloud named after them. Showing gratitude really does make all the difference.

Live in the moment.

At the end of the day, exams aren’t about a number you’ll forget about in less than a year. For some, exams are an opportunity to show off and celebrate all of the accomplishments and hard work over the year. For others, exams serve as the last hurdle that makes finally reaching holiday break so much more rewarding. Exams are a bonding experience for all of us, and whether you realize it or not, exam season really does bring us all together. We only take so many exams in our lives. As weird as it sounds, we should enjoy the whole experience—traumatizing and rewarding—while it lasts.