The New Pandemic: The Stress of Homecoming and Promposals

Every September there is always this uneasy excitement in the air. It’s like constantly sitting on the edge of your seat, about to fall off, but still holding on. Everyone thinks about it, the DJ, the attire, what it’s going to look like, but no one makes any effort to put their expectations into words. This is the month of “Homecoming fever,” a new but timeless ailment. 

A variation of the fever has risen known as “Promposals.” We all know Promposals include a cute sign with a funny slogan, usually having to do with the person you are asking, maybe even donuts if you’re going all out. The initial objective is to add an element of fun and creativity into asking someone, yet it has grown to cultivate immense pressure and stress for all parties involved. 

Community: 

Society has always had a list of implied “rules” or norms that an individual “must” adhere to. These community norms include and suggest that when asked to Homecoming, the person must say yes. Even though this is not deliberately written or stated aloud, teasing, jokes, shaming, and even an “Omg! Why didn’t you say yes?” implies that such a rule exists. 

Getting the sign ready and accumulating the bravery to ask someone takes an immense amount of courage, yet people don’t often take into account that it also takes a massive amount of courage to say “no” due to the power of social norms and so called “traditions” founded and maintained by the community. By saying “no,” people are gambling a lot more than the other person’s feelings. They are gambling their reputation, their acceptance within the community, and even their friendships.

Feminism: 

Consent culture is a prominent topic in today’s society, or at least should be. The pressure to say “yes,” especially from a female perspective, is constantly weighing on our shoulders. Girls are often shamed for not taking into consideration how the other person might feel when that person was rejected. 

Women should ALWAYS have the right to say no. Girls are often guilted into saying “yes” to something they don’t want to do, such as going to Homecoming with someone, because of this idea embedded within a community that women are responsible for the feelings of others and should therefore neglect their own boundaries. Now, this obligation to say yes just sounds completely wrong and immoral. However, the presence, connotation, and weight of “no” could take up an entire ecosystem. Along with “no” comes this whole idea of consent culture, respect, boundaries, and feminism. This specific piece of language is a segue way for many abstract concepts.

Precedents/ The Future: 

To have a choice to say “yes or no ” is usually (and definitely should be) considered when discussing serious circumstances such as sexual assault; however, is often brushed aside when talking about the “little” things such as Homecoming. It is these “little things” that act as precedents for future situations and are emblematic of the stakes involved.

Homecoming, in general, is not going to determine the course of someone’s life. However, when seen through a different perspective and connected to a much larger issue, Homecoming, along with important ideas it emphasizes, becomes larger. Someone may justify these problematic norms that limit an individual’s choice by saying “It’s all fun and nothing serious” or “It’s only Homecoming”. Yet this mindset blatantly avoids the implications of the situation. When people are shamed for simply saying “no,” this reaction becomes an example for younger generations as to how they might react in the same situation. This normalizes restriction of choice as well as sexism. People should always have a choice as to what they are comfortable with, no matter what, even if it’s something “small” like Homecoming. Boundaries should not be overlooked or be seen as ridiculous because they regulate and sustain a healthy community. Furthermore, boundaries allow people to feel emotionally and literally protected. 

I am not asking to completely obliterate Promposals, but I am suggesting that the individual wanting to ask another should ask in private where there are no phones, cameras, and external influences. Or ask in private if they want to go to the dance and if they mind that they create the sign. This shows respect for the other person. The sign or gifts won’t increase the pressure to say yes (even though they shouldn’t in the first place).

Community ethics may often be presented in a positive light, but they also can be outdated, broken, and fragmented. They need to be refreshed and updated in order to keep up with modern times. That’s easier said than done, especially since it is hard to recognize when these ethics are negative in the first place since they is drilled into society norms. This doesn’t mean community ethics are forever cemented. It just means it begins with just one person to dare stand against the crowd and want to make a difference in order to create a ripple effect.